


it's not a miracle you need

by alivorte



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Supportive Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28055640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alivorte/pseuds/alivorte
Summary: Jack refuses to help save Cas from the Empty. Dean has no clue how to do it and enlists Sam and Eileen's help. It turns out the answer was within Cas all along, but getting there isn't easy.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 62
Collections: The Destiel Self-Rec Favs Collection





	it's not a miracle you need

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from The Cab - Endlessly. Because I'm a Fandom Old, and [one of my favorite fanvids](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vPm4d74Q54) uses this song. It's a very Destiel song, too; check it out!
> 
> In this house, 15x20 doesn't exist and never will.

"People don't need to pray to me or to sacrifice to me,” Jack explained, while Dean and Sam simply watched and listened. "They just need to know that I'm already a part of them and to trust in that. I won't be hands on. Chuck put himself in the story. That was his mistake. But I learned from you and my mother and Castiel that... when people have to be their best... they can be.” 

Dean suddenly felt rage flowing through him at the mention of Castiel. He had been so relieved that Chuck was dealt with and that everyone came back, he almost forgot the most important thing of all. "But what about Cas, huh? You resurrected every last person on Earth, surely you can bring Cas back! After everything he’s done for you, he’s earned it!” 

Jack smiled sadly. "Don’t get me wrong, Dean. I love Cas. But Chuck made every person on Earth vanish, apart from us. That was an egregious wrong that only I could correct. But Cas chose to use his deal with the Empty. I can’t invalidate his choice.” 

Dean flinched. "You… you knew of his deal? Why didn’t you say anything?" Everything about his last moment with Cas came flooding back to him, as it had nearly constantly since he watched Cas disappear in black goo and he started to choke up. 

"I knew from the beginning, Dean. He made the deal to save me, after all. But he asked me not to tell you, so I didn’t. I’m sorry, Dean. I truly am. But I can’t help," Jack said. 

The tears that were starting to build up ceased once anger flooded him again. "That’s bullshit and you know it! He doesn’t deserve to be stuck there forever!" 

Jack shook his head. "I agree with you. He shouldn’t be in the Empty. But I, personally, cannot intervene. It is however possible for you to rescue him." 

Dean blinked. "Seriously? How can we rescue him? Please, tell me. I’ll do anything." 

"I’m sorry but I can’t tell you, you need to figure it out on your own," Jack said with a frown. "But know that I am rooting for you. For all of you." 

Dean stomped toward him. "What a stupid cop-out, you son of a—," Sam pulled him away from Jack and Dean was shocked into silence, settling on a glare. 

"Dean, he has his reasons, you need to calm down," Sam said gently. 

Dean turned his glare on Sam. "Easy for you to say, Eileen should’ve been brought back by now. Cas is your friend too you know." 

Sam lit up and turned to Jack. "Is it true? Is Eileen back?" 

Jack nodded. "Yes, she was returned when everyone who was disappeared by Chuck returned." He turned toward Dean. "I understand why you’re angry. But please know that I love you, all of you. I have faith that you will be reunited soon enough." 

Dean felt the desire to lash out at him grow again, but realized that there would be no point. It was clear that Jack wasn’t going to change his mind. "You better be right!" 

Sam appeared overwhelmed by the good news. "Thank you, Jack," he said earnestly as he pulled Jack into a hug, which Jack returned. 

When they pulled apart, Dean went ahead and went for a hug too. "We’re gonna miss you man." 

Jack smiled at both of them. "Remember, I will always be with you. Goodbye." With that, he vanished. 

For a moment it was quiet between the brothers. Sam took a look at Dean and appeared conflicted, but eventually managed to speak his mind. "So… what was this deal that you guys were talking about?" 

Dean closed his eyes as the memory hit him again. Cas telling him that happiness was in just being, in just saying it… and that "it" was Cas telling him he loved him. And then he was gone. He couldn’t possibly tell Sam. It was too fresh, too soon. Dean shook his head. "He made a deal with the Empty to save Jack’s life. He invoked it to save mine." 

Sam looked even more confused. "How did he invoke it, exactly?" 

Dean took a deep breath. "Look, can we just not talk about it right now? Jack said Eileen came back, right? Let’s go find her." 

"I want to find her more than anything, Dean, but it can wait if you need to talk—" 

"I don’t need to talk, Sam! Let’s just find Eileen," Dean interrupted, clearly agitated. 

"Okay Dean," Sam said softly. He pulled out his phone and sent a hesitant text to Eileen: _Eileen? Are you alright?_ Sam waited with baited breath, wondering how long he’d have to wait before seeing a response. Luckily for Sam, it only took a minute or two before he received a reply: _I’m fine. What happened?_ Sam said to Dean, "Jack was right, she’s really back!" 

Dean mustered up a smile for Sam’s sake. "That’s awesome, Sammy. Let’s go get her."  
  
  


Dean and Sam reached the motel that Eileen was currently staying at several hours later. As time passed, Sam grew more agitated, bouncing his leg and wringing his hands. At one point, Dean caught him and wanted to laugh. Instead, he asked, "What’s wrong? We know she’s alive. Everything’s fine." Well, not _everything_ , but still… 

Sam was the one to let out a laugh. "I know, and yet, I don’t know. It just seems surreal. I thought I lost her for good." 

Dean swallowed. "But you didn’t, you heard it straight from Jack!" Unlike Cas, Dean thought. "We’re almost there anyway, you’ll see." 

"Yeah, you’re right," Sam sighed slowly. 

They didn’t speak again until they arrived at the motel. It was perfectly average, like many of the hundreds if not thousands of motels they had stayed in over the years. But Sam definitely finally perked up, jumping out of the car immediately after the car was parked. Dean followed behind a little more slowly. He didn’t want to interrupt their first moment together. 

Dean watched from a moderate distance as Sam knocked on the door of the room Eileen was in. The door opened, and Eileen appeared, a huge grin stretching across her face at the sight of Sam, whose own grin matched hers. They conversed briefly in sign, both saying hello, before Sam leaned down to kiss her. There was nothing brief or simple about this kiss; it grew more fervent as they wrapped their arms around each other in a tight embrace. 

Dean watched for a moment, feeling genuinely happy that Sam got to reunite with his love. But as the kiss grew on with no signs of stopping, he just laughed and averted his gaze to give them some privacy. 

He couldn’t help but wonder what his reunion with Castiel might look like. If they ever reunited at all, that is. Castiel told him he loved him. He said it was the one thing he wanted that he couldn’t have. But that wasn’t true, was it. Dean knew he was in love with Castiel. He had been for a long time, though he usually tried to swallow it down, tried to deny it was ever real. Because he never imagined that an angel could feel romantic love like a human. He never imagined that anyone could love _him_ , of all people. Yet Castiel upended everything he thought he understood in the space of a single speech. What would he do, if Castiel were to appear in front of him again? 

"Dean, you can look now!" Sam shouted. 

Dean was saved from his depressing train of thought by looking back toward Sam and Eileen. They had stopped kissing, and now Sam had an arm around Eileen’s shoulders. The simple intimacy made something inside Dean ache. He signed hello to Eileen, but he didn’t know much more ASL beyond that, something he clearly needed to rectify. "Congrats guys, I’m happy for you." 

"Hi Dean, thank you!" Eileen said, then looked between the brothers. "So what happened?" 

"It’s a long story," said Sam, as the three of them headed inside. 

Sam and Dean explained everything that happened to Eileen. Well, mostly everything. Dean was still not budging on elaborating on exactly what happened between him and Castiel, beyond that he went to the Empty to save him. 

They picked up some diner food and ate in the motel. Sam and Eileen were clearly in love and didn’t even think to hide it by indulging in quick kisses and sappy looks all throughout. Once they were done eating, Dean excused himself, letting them enjoy being happy together, as the longer he watched it, the worse he felt about what he had been missing out on for years. 

Dean booked another room in the motel, one further away from Sam and Eileen as he definitely didn’t want to hear any suspicious noises from their room. Before heading to his room, he took the Impala and drove until he found a liquor store and picked up a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. 

Once safely in his room, he took a quick shower before opening the bottle, drinking until he no longer saw Castiel’s face whenever he closed his eyes.  
  
  


The next day, the three of them headed back to the bunker. Dean was all alone in the Impala, since Eileen was following him in her car, and Sam decided to go with her instead of him. Dean had grabbed one of his cassettes and played it during the entire trip on the highest possible volume to drown out his own thoughts. 

They entered the bunker together, both Sam and Dean helping Eileen with her things, as it had been quickly decided that Eileen was going to move in. They took everything straight to Sam’s room and helped her unpack. Dean was once again glad that his own room was a good distance from Sam’s; there were just some things he didn’t want to hear about his brother. 

Since it was late in the day by the time they were all done, Dean quickly cooked up some pasta for them all before they went their separate ways. Once Dean was certain they were firmly in their room, Dean snuck out in the Impala and headed to his favorite liquor store. In the past, he would only buy a bottle at a time, but that didn’t seem to be enough for Dean this time. He grabbed several bottles of Jack Daniel’s—not even wasting his time trying to buy beer, which was much weaker than Dean had patience for. 

He silently crept back into the bunker, carefully balancing the bottles so they wouldn’t clink too much. He drank until he passed out. 

Dean awoke to knocking at his door. He slowly sat up on his bed, then cursed as the roaring headache set in. "What?!" he shouted at the door. 

The door opened to reveal Sam, who took one look at Dean still in bed and squinted. "Dude, it’s 10 AM, you’re still in bed?" 

Dean huffed. "What of it? We don’t have anywhere to be." 

"No, but this is pretty late for you," Sam said as he took a look around the room. His eyes locked onto a bottle of whiskey jutting out from under the bed. "You’re drinking again? Dean…" 

"I never stopped, Sammy," Dean said, which was technically true. But Dean knew what Sam meant. He decided to ignore it. He stood up and said, "Just give me a moment and I’ll join you guys." 

Sam frowned, clearly wanting to talk about it, but deciding to let it be. "Okay, we’re in the war room when you’re ready." 

Dean showered and quickly ate some cereal before heading to the war room. When Eileen looked up from her laptop to see Dean, she signed good morning, which Dean returned. "So what’s going on?" 

"We’re trying to see if we can find a case," said Sam. 

Dean flinched back. "A _case_? We literally just beat God! Don’t we deserve a break?" 

"You heard Jack, he’s hands off now. And he never said he got rid of monsters. So the world still needs us," Sam explained, while Eileen nodded in agreement. 

The mention of Jack made Dean see red. "He also said that he wasn’t gonna help us with Cas! But sure, let’s just find a case, and leave him to rot in there!" 

Sam looked poleaxed. "You’re right, Dean, I’m sorry." He exchanged a look with Eileen, who nodded. "We’ll focus on getting Cas out instead, alright? But eventually we’ll have to start hunting again." 

Dean let out a breath, calming down from the surge of anger. "Thanks, Sam." He signed thanks to Eileen as well. 

"So, do we have any leads on how to get someone out of the Empty?" Sam asked. 

Dean shook his head. "I’ve been wracking my brain for days and can’t think of anything. I think we just need to hit the books. Surely, somewhere in this bunker is something that will help." 

They made their way to the bunker’s vast library, as Dean sent up a little prayer. _Hold on Cas, we’re gonna get you out of there._  
  
  


The next two weeks follow the same pattern for Dean: wake up with a hangover, spend the whole day reading with only short breaks for food, then drink until passing out. As each day wore on, Dean drank more and more, both from developing a higher tolerance to the alcohol and from the growing sense of dread that they were never going to find anything. 

One night, several hours into his drinking binge, Dean was thoroughly drunk when he tried to get off his bed to go to the bathroom. He fell, hitting his head against the desk, and he cursed loudly. By the time Dean stood back up, Sam had already opened the door to his room. 

"Dean?! Are you okay?" Sam asked hurriedly, stepping closer to him before smelling the stench of alcohol. "Jesus Dean, how much did you drink this time?" 

"Not enough," Dean slurred, "because he’s still in my head. He won’t leave my head." 

Sam furrowed his brows. "Who? Cas?" 

Dean nodded. "He… he told me he loved me! Before the Empty got him, that is. He loved me and because of me, he’s gone." 

Sam frowned, looking sympathetic. "Dean, that was his choice to make. It wasn’t your fault." 

"But it is!" Dean roared. "You don’t understand what happened, it was because of me, that he was able to call the Empty at all. He would’ve been better off without me." 

"Let’s talk about this in the morning," Sam said. "Get some sleep and we’ll talk, okay?" 

Dean nodded and Sam left him alone. Dean hurried to use the bathroom as originally intended before passing out in bed. 

The next morning, after Dean had finished his breakfast and coffee, Sam tried to approach Dean again. He put his hand on his shoulder. "Dean… you were very upset last night. Do you want to talk about it?" 

"No, I’m fine," Dean barked before heading straight to the library once more. Sam sighed and followed him.  
  
  


It was a week after that incident—a week in which nothing else changed—that Sam suddenly exclaimed "I found something!" 

Dean almost snapped his neck at the speed in which he looked up. "You found a way into the Empty?!" 

Sam hesitated. "Well, not exactly. But this spell claims that you can contact someone who is in any realm. Heaven, hell, purgatory, even the Empty. This is the closest thing I’ve found to anything involving the Empty. Maybe we could study the spell, figure out how it’s done?" 

"You mean… I can talk to Cas?" Dean said breathlessly. 

"Theoretically, yeah, but I’m not sure if that’s helpful—" 

"We’re doing it," Dean said authoritatively. 

Sam blinked. "Just like that? Why?" Dean looked away, refusing to answer. "Okay, but I should come with you, so I can ask him how to get him out." 

"No!" Dean shouted. "Only I’m going, and that’s final!" He paused, then sighed. "You’re right, though. I’ll ask him how to break him out." 

Sam struggled to keep a smile off his face as he nodded.  
  
  


For such a potentially powerful spell, the steps involved were rather simple. The ingredients were mugwort, irises [1], and something either a part of the person to be contacted, such as hair, or something that they owned. This proved tricky at first, as Castiel didn’t have many material possessions, but then Dean remembered that he once gave him a comb, after Castiel showed up to breakfast one morning with remarkably messy hair. 

When he approached Castiel’s room, he had to stop and take a deep breath. He hadn’t looked inside once since Castiel was taken. But then he opened the door. What greeted him was a truly sterile, impersonal environment. It was like Castiel never lived there at all. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and began searching through his drawers. 

In one drawer, a cassette tape with the words "Dean’s top 13 zepp traxx" emblazoned on it. He had to bite back tears as he remembered what happened. He wasn’t blind to how they were usually romantic gifts; he grew up on 80s movies after all. Even back then, Dean knew how he felt about Castiel, but he was terrified of actually speaking the words, of making it _real_. 

So he painstakingly chose his favorite Led Zeppelin songs, particularly the ones with romantic meanings, and created the tape. He later approached Castiel and told him it was something he could listen to while on the road. The way Castiel smiled and thanked him had been burned into his mind ever since. The fact that Castiel later tried to return it, though, showed that he didn’t understand what it meant at all. 

It had been years since all of that happened, and all that time, Dean had allowed him to believe that he didn’t love him. Not platonically or brotherly—he had already told him as much—but romantically. That could no longer stand. 

After putting the mixtape back, he was able to find the comb which happened to have some of his hair on it. He took the comb and returned to where Sam and Eileen were waiting for him. 

Dean pulled the hair off the comb and put it in the bowl with the herbs. "This is it, right?" Dean asked. 

Sam nodded. "Yeah, just need to burn it and say this incantation three times." He passed the book over to Dean. 

"Thanks," Dean said, picking up the lighter on the table. "Wish me luck." He lit the contents of the bowl on fire, and then said, "Cum te coniugam, ut loquamur, et cum me coniungas, ut loquamur. Cum te coniugam, ut loquamur, et cum me coniungas, ut loquamur. Cum te coniugam, ut loquamur, et cum me coniungas, ut loquamur." [2]

For a moment, nothing happened. Dean looked around, puzzled, and was about to speak when he became overwhelmed with dizziness, and he passed out.  
  
  


When Castiel invoked his deal with the Empty, he had expected to face direct torment from the Empty. He was the one who had previously made it too "loud" for it, after all. The Empty made the terms of the deal to specifically punish him. Yet, when he arrived in the Empty, he didn’t even realize it, because he was immediately put to sleep. 

True to Ruby’s word, he found himself in a perpetual cycle of dreaming about his regrets, and boy, did Castiel have many regrets. The latest in the cycle: seeing an entire warehouse filled with dead bodies of Dean. They all died by his own hand. That he was ever able to kill _any_ version of Dean was horrifying enough, but seeing how close he got to killing the real deal was even worse. Only when Dean reached out to him, saying "I need you," was he able to stop. 

Of course Dean needed him. Was that ever really in question? But Dean didn’t love him. Not in the way Castiel loved Dean. 

Suddenly, the vision of a blood covered Dean vanished. Castiel gained awareness of himself and remembered that the Empty took him. But why had he woken up? Had the Empty finally decided to torture him in a more direct way? 

"Cas!" he heard a voice call out. It sounded remarkably familiar. But could it be—? "Cas, wake up!" Dean’s unmistakable voice was louder this time, and accompanied by a hand on his shoulder, rocking him. 

Castiel opened his eyes and sat up to see Dean, in all his glory, on his knees next to him. "Dean? Is that really you?" 

"Yeah, Cas, it’s me," Dean said with oddly wet eyes before launching forward to give him a tight hug. "It’s so good to see you, man," Dean whispered. 

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean in return, drinking in the feeling of his body like a parched man in a desert. "I’m glad to see you too Dean, but how are you here? Humans don’t belong in the Empty." 

Dean pulled away to look Castiel in the eye but kept his hands on his shoulders. "Sam found this spell that lets us talk to anyone in any realm. We’ve been trying to bust you out of here, but this is the only thing we’ve found so far." 

"Dean, you don’t need to try to bust me out of here. I’m here out of my own choice, to save you. I wouldn’t have done it any other way," Castiel explained. 

"Bullshit, Cas! You don’t get to say all of that stuff to me and just leave forever!" Dean glared at him. "I didn’t even get to respond! How is that fair? No, we’re getting you out of here. End of story." 

Castiel was stunned. He truly wasn’t expecting this at all. "I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to hurt you." 

Dean shook his head. "We’ve known each other for how many years, and you didn’t think that you _sacrificing yourself_ to save me wouldn’t hurt me? C’mon Cas, you’re not that stupid." 

Castiel sighed. "You’re right, I was just so determined to save you. I thought it was worth it." He paused as something Dean said finally caught up to him. "Wait, what do you mean, you didn’t get to respond?" 

Dean looked away for a moment. When Dean finally looked back, his cheeks were flushed. "I mean, you said a lot of things. Important things. I didn’t have enough time to say anything." 

Castiel’s stomach dropped. He had been hoping they would be able to just gloss over what he had said. He didn’t want to hear Dean verbally reject him. "It’s okay, Dean, I know how you feel. You don’t need to respond." 

Dean snorted. "Do you though, really? You already thought I would be okay with you rotting away in here. No, you don’t know." 

Castiel’s eyes widened, but he told himself to keep his hope in check. "How do you feel, then?" 

"I can’t do this in here, Cas. I promise, once we’re both back home, we’ll talk," Dean said softly. "But you have to help me make that happen. How can we get you out of here?" 

Any hope Castiel had left him. Dean didn’t want to let him down easy if it meant Castiel had to live with that for eternity in the Empty. But Dean still wanted to free him. And Castiel was never very good at denying Dean anything. He had to take a moment to think. "I don’t know of any spell on the top of my head that can free anything from the Empty." 

Dean scoffed. "I refuse to believe there’s _nothing_ we can do to get you out of here! There has to be something, anything!" 

Castiel frowned. "I’m sorry, but there really isn’t anything. Only Jack was able to save me the last time I was here. Where is Jack? Why isn’t he helping you? Did something happen to him?" Fear gripped his heart thinking that the boy he had considered to be his son was gone. 

"Jack took God’s powers. But he told us that he’s a hand off God now, not like Chuck. I already asked, he won’t help," Dean said. 

Castiel felt fatherly pride bubble up in him. Jack did so well. "I understand why he wouldn’t intervene in this case. This was my choice, after all." 

Dean snorted. "That’s literally what he said. Like father, like son, I guess. But he said that we could break you out on our own. So please, think of something!" 

Castiel closed his eyes to concentrate better. The Empty was a mysterious realm, unlike Earth, Heaven, Hell or Purgatory. There weren’t many ways of connecting to it. Even finding this communication spell was a fluke at best. But maybe they were thinking about this wrong. Maybe a spell wasn’t what was needed. Maybe he could use the rules of the Empty against it. 

"There is one way that could work," Castiel began. "The Empty is a realm only for angels and demons—humans don’t belong here. You shouldn’t be here at all. I’m only here because I’m still an angel, because I still have my grace. But if I were to remove it, I’d become human. Theoretically, the Empty should spit me out once that happens." 

Dean lit up. "You really think that would work?! Why didn’t you try that when you got here?" 

"Dean. When I got here, I immediately fell asleep. I’ve been asleep this entire time. This is my first time awake in the Empty. If you hadn’t awakened me, I would’ve never had the opportunity to do this. So thank you, Dean, for not giving up on me." 

"I’ll never give up on you, Cas. Never! Though… are you sure about this? You’d be a human again. Permanently. Are you actually okay with giving that up, just for me?" Dean appeared nervous. 

Castiel smiled. "Look at the alternative, Dean. I stay an angel and spend an eternity here. Or, I become a human, and get to leave this place. It’s no choice at all." 

Dean’s smile grew to match Castiel’s. "Just checking." Dean’s appearance started to flicker. "Guess time’s up! Don’t keep me waiting, Cas!" With those last words, Dean was gone.  
  
  


Castiel looked around at first, just to be sure that Dean was gone, and that no one else was around. Everything seemed safe, so the sooner he got this over with, the better. He began by summoning his angel blade. 

The second the blade was in his hand, however, he suddenly found himself unable to move. He looked down and saw tendrils of black goo around his arms, legs and torso. He struggled against the tendrils in an attempt to free himself, but they only got tighter the more he struggled. 

Maniacal laughter broke the silence and Castiel looked back up to find the Empty wearing Meg’s face. "You really thought it was going to be that easy to leave? I don’t think so. We made a _deal_ , remember?" 

"I’m well aware, but I still had to try," Castiel said. 

"Why, because Dean Winchester told you to?" The Empty laughed again. "You know he doesn’t love you, right? Not the way you love him. He just misses his friend, whereas he’s the love of your life. Why would you want to return to Earth only to face rejection?" 

Castiel closed his eyes in an attempt to keep himself from crying. The Empty was right. He was only going to be rejected. Yet… "I would rather have Dean in my life, no matter what that looks like, than be stuck here without him." 

"You are a truly _pathetic_ creature, Castiel," the Empty spat. "Loving something as selfish as a human will just doom you to misery until the day you die and go to Hell. You’ve been to Hell, you know how much worse it is. Why take the risk?" 

Castiel opened his eyes and looked directly at the Empty. "That’s where you’re wrong. Dean isn’t selfish, he’s the most selfless person I have ever known. I would risk anything, even Hell, to be by his side." 

The Empty rolled its eyes. "Spare me this delusional drivel. I think it’s time you went back to sleep." 

"No!" Castiel shouted. "I will _never_ fall asleep in this place ever again! I am going to keep talking whether you like it or not!" 

"What makes you think you have any choice?" asked the Empty. 

"If you were able to make me fall asleep all by yourself, you would’ve done it already. But I’m still here, talking, so that means I’m actually the one in control. And I’m not resting until I’m free," Castiel said confidently, while internally not feeling very confident at all. 

"You sure about that?" the Empty smirked, as the tendrils locking Castiel into place tightened even further. "Good luck with your plan to become human when you can’t even move." 

"Maybe so, but I know how much you value silence. So I won’t shut up." Castiel thought a moment about how to approach it, before starting. "Dean Winchester was born on January 24, 1979, to John and Mary Winchester. He is the older brother to Samuel Winchester, born May 2, 1983. When Sam was six months old, the family lost Mary to Azazel. Afterward, John turned to hunting full-time while seeking Mary’s killer. Dean spent his childhood bouncing from motel to motel while told by John to look after Sam at all costs." 

"What are you doing?" the Empty roared. "Stop it now!" 

"Dean has hunted for the majority of his life without a break, unlike Sam, who temporarily left to attend Stanford. Once they reunited when John went missing, they rarely spent any time apart. Azazel had made Sam one of his special children, and Sam died when fighting his other special children. Dean made a crossroads deal to save his life, and one year later, he went to Hell." 

"I couldn’t care less about this human, Castiel, you need to stop!" the Empty screeched. 

Castiel smiled. "I first met Dean when I pulled him out of Hell. I had never seen a human soul so bright or stunning before, and have never since. I quickly grew fond of him, and tried to warn him about the apocalypse, but Heaven rewired me. Even after the rewiring, his heartfelt plea for humanity convinced me to fight on his side. Even though we were too late, we kept fighting together." Castiel took a second to feel the grip of the tendrils around him, and found they had already slackened somewhat. 

The Empty covered its ears. "Shut up!" 

"Dean and I have gone through so much together over the years. Even though I have made my fair share of mistakes, Dean has always been there, willing to forgive me. I don’t know when I fell in love with him. There wasn’t a single moment, there have been so many. Maybe I was always in love with him from the beginning. It doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t want it any other way. It is a privilege to have come to know and love Dean." 

Castiel tried the grip of the tendrils again, and they were now slack enough to make his move. Quickly and with no hesitance, he brought up the angel blade and sliced across his throat. 

"No!" the Empty roared, and the tendrils surrounding him tightened again. Yet Castiel’s grace kept flowing outward from his wound. A new tendril appeared to wrap around his neck and tightened. This, however, was not enough to stop the flow of grace; it only slowed down to a trickle, between the tendril and his neck. The Empty saw this and tightened the tendril even further, completely constricting his throat and preventing him from speaking. 

At first, it appeared as though it was working; the flow of grace had stopped. Yet, moments later, the accumulated grace suddenly burst through the tendril, destroying it entirely. Another tendril immediately took its place, yet it met the same fate moments after. This time, no replacement came. 

The Empty sighed. "Fine, you utterly pathetic human-loving filth, you’ve won. I had better never see your face again." All the other tendrils holding Castiel in place vanished, causing Castiel to collapse onto the ground. The Empty then vanished as well. 

Castiel sat up and looked around to be sure that the Empty was gone, then he watched in wonder as the rest of his grace flowed away from him. It almost hurt to look at, such bright light contrasting with the sea of darkness. At first, it was a continuous stream, until it finally ended. As the grace moved further away from him, Castiel looked down to see his body flickering, then he was conscious no more.  
  
  


Castiel woke up and discovered he was in the very same place as he was when he was taken by the Empty: the storage room in the bunker that also had a large devil’s trap. He was immediately relieved that he didn’t have to make a long journey to get to the bunker, as he did the last time he was human. 

He was human. 

He lifted his hand up to touch his neck where he had sliced it, and his hand came away bloody. Concerned, he got up and navigated to the nearest bathroom he could remember. There was an impressive amount of blood, and some had already slithered down to stain his white dress shirt. He quickly cleaned it up, then found the first aid kit that was stashed at every bathroom in the bunker. He applied a mild antiseptic, hissing in pain as he did. Then he covered the wound with some gauze. 

Castiel stared at himself in the mirror. He would’ve been able to heal this wound instantaneously before, now he had to monitor it for a week or more as his newly human body healed itself at a glacial pace. Then he felt a new pain originating from his stomach: hunger. He hadn’t felt hunger in _years_. Then he remembered. 

Dean. 

Castiel bolted from the bathroom to Dean’s bedroom. The door was closed, but Castiel pulled it open, not even caring to knock. It was empty. A feeling of dread grew in the pit of his stomach, despite the fact that the bunker was big and he could be many other places. 

Castiel continued to run, this time heading for the kitchen. No one was in the kitchen either. The dread intensified, but he would check every room in this place if he had to. His next stop: the library. 

He sprinted to the library, where he stopped for a moment, looking down, to catch his breath. He couldn’t remember ever panting like this before. Was his human body out of shape, or was this normal? He looked back up, only for the sight in front of him to make his heart race again. Sam, Eileen and Dean, sitting at the central table, all reading their books intently. 

"Dean," he breathed, barely above a whisper. 

Yet somehow it was enough to capture Dean’s attention. He looked up and his eyes widened. "Cas!" he yelled, jumping out of his seat and running toward him. He stopped right in front of Castiel, leaving very little room in between. "Cas, is that really you?" 

"Yes, Dean," Castiel said, and Dean responded by pulling him into a tight hug. Castiel immediately wrapped his own arms around Dean. They stayed that way for what felt like eternity, and yet also like no time at all. 

Sam cleared his throat behind them, and they reluctantly pulled away. "Welcome back, Cas," Sam said, pulling Castiel into a hug of his own. Only this time, it was kept brief. 

When Sam stepped away, Castiel turned his attention to Eileen. Eileen signed "welcome back" and Castiel also responded in sign, saying "thank you." At least Castiel still remembered some ASL, but it remained to be seen if he could carry a whole conversation in it, like he could’ve back as an angel. Eileen then hugged him as well. 

Castiel stepped back so he could glance at all three of them. Immediately Dean stepped forward and reached his hand out to graze the gauze covering his neck. "What happened here?" he asked softly. 

"I slit my throat with my angel blade to release my grace. It didn’t heal when I returned on Earth," Castiel said. 

"So you really did it? You’re human now?" Dean asked, looking concerned. 

"Yes, Dean. But I don’t regret it, not at all. Just being here with you," he paused, then glanced at Sam and Eileen, "with _all_ of you, makes it worth it." 

"We’re glad to have you back, Cas," Sam said, and Eileen nodded. 

Dean nodded slowly in agreement, still staring wide-eyed at Castiel. "Well, since you’re human now, we gotta celebrate the human way! I can cook up some burgers, or make some pie, or well, anything you want, Cas! You’ve earned it." 

Castiel smiled. "Burgers and pie sound perfect." 

Dean approached him again, this time turning him around in the direction of the kitchen, and kept his arm wrapped loosely around his shoulders. "Now I gotta show you how it’s done, you need to learn how to cook. It’s not that hard, really." They both started walking toward the kitchen. 

Castiel frowned. "Does that mean you won’t be around to cook?" 

Dean whipped his head around to face him. "NO! No, it’s not that! I just thought it’d be something we could do together," Dean’s voice gradually lowered in volume by the end, and he immediately went back to facing in front of him. 

Castiel smiled again, feeling something flutter in his stomach. "I would like that very much."  
  
  


Notably, Dean and Castiel were left alone in the kitchen while they cooked. Castiel did wonder where Sam and Eileen were, but he was enjoying this stolen time with Dean too much to complain. They didn’t breach the topic of Castiel’s love confession or Dean’s response; instead, Dean caught him up on everything that happened in between instructions. 

Dean was more handsy than usual, frequently leaving his arm around his shoulders, taking his hand while showing him how to do something, or leaving his hand at the small of his back as he guided him somewhere. Castiel desperately told himself not to read anything into it, but it was causing all kinds of havoc in his stomach. He only hoped that he would be able to actually eat the food they were cooking, as it did smell amazing. 

When they were finally all done, Dean left Castiel alone temporarily to fetch Sam and Eileen. Dean and Castiel then sat side by side and across from them. It turned out Castiel could eat after all, and as he took a bite into his burger he groaned. "Dean, this is so good!" 

When he glanced at Dean, his face appeared to be oddly red. "I’m, uh, glad you like it, Cas," Dean said hoarsely. 

"Of course. I would like anything you make, Dean," Castiel said earnestly. 

Sam and Eileen appeared to be muffling coughs—or was it laughter?—with their hands, and Dean told them to "shut up". Puzzled, Castiel looked between the three, but decided that deciphering whatever that was about wasn’t important. Even though he was a human now, he didn’t grow up human; there were certainly things he wasn’t going to understand. 

When they finished eating, Sam and Eileen glanced at each other and without a word stood up. "Thanks for the meal, you guys. We can handle the dishes tonight," Sam said. 

Dean furrowed his brow. "Sam, Eileen, you guys don’t have to—," 

"But we want to," Sam interrupted. "Besides, I’m sure you two have something to talk about," he smirked as he picked up the plates. 

Dean’s face turned red again but he didn’t deny it. Castiel, on the other hand, grew overwhelmed with dread. This was really it. Dean would finally reject him. 

They were silent for a moment before Dean cleared his throat. "Let’s go to my room." He stood up, then reached out his hand toward Castiel. Castiel grabbed his hand and Dean pulled him up. Castiel immediately let go after that, despite wanting to continue holding hands. 

They didn’t speak a word as they made their way to Dean’s bedroom. Once they were both inside, Dean closed the door and locked it. He then turned around and leaned against the door, letting out a sigh, before making eye contact with Castiel, who was simply standing in the middle of the room, in front of the bed. 

At first, it didn’t look like either of them was going to say anything, before Dean finally blurted, "So did you mean it?" 

Castiel blinked. "I thought it was clear I meant every word I said." 

Dean shook his head. "No, I mean, you meant it _romantically_?" 

Castiel sighed. Had Dean really not understood him at all? It would be so easy now, to backtrack, to save himself the pain and suffering of rejection, but he couldn’t lie to Dean. Not about this. "Yes, Dean. I’m in love with you." 

Dean gasped. "Really? But I didn’t think angels were capable of that." 

Castiel titled his head. "Most angels can’t. That is because most angels don’t become close to humans. But I did grow close to you, and it was in knowing you, that I came to love you." 

Dean stared at him for a moment, seeming at a loss for words. Then he spoke. "But that’s just it! All that other stuff you said, how I’m the most loving person on Earth? That can’t possibly be true. I’m not as good as you think I am, Cas, I’m not. You shouldn’t love me like that." 

At first Castiel thought that this was Dean’s way of rejecting him, but no matter his intention, he couldn’t let this stand. "Dean. Do you trust me?" Dean nodded immediately. "Then believe me when I tell you who you are. That you deserve not only my love, but anyone’s love. You deserve love." 

Dean went silent again, still staring with wide eyes, which were starting to grow wet. Castiel became alarmed. "Dean, are you crying? What’s wrong?" 

That seemed to spur Dean into action. He stepped away from the door and approached Castiel, stopping only inches away. He raised his hands to cup his cheeks, and before Castiel could respond, Dean kissed him. 

Castiel’s own eyes widened as he registered what was happening, but quickly closed them as he returned the kiss. What started as a simple meeting of the lips quickly heated up. He wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling his body in so they were touching chest to chest, hip to hip. He lost himself in the feeling of Dean’s soft lips, juxtaposed with his hard body pressing against him. He never imagined that he might ever experience this, and it was far better than anything he could’ve ever dreamed of. 

Eventually, they mutually pull away, but only far enough to be able to look each other in the eye. Castiel had a good feeling, but he wanted to know for sure. "So what does this mean, exactly?" 

Dean burst out laughing, then rested his forehead against Castiel’s. "It means I’m in love with you too, dumbass." 

Castiel couldn’t help the grin spreading across his face. "I prefer less dumb, less ass," he said, intentionally referencing a conversation they had a long time ago. 

"No, I definitely prefer more ass," Dean said, and punctuated it by moving his hands from Castiel’s face to his ass and squeezed. 

A low thrum of arousal shot through Castiel’s body, and he couldn’t help but follow in Dean’s footsteps, moving his hands slowly down Dean’s back until he grabbed his ass in return. "I agree, I think more ass is best." 

They smirked at each other, and then immediately dived back into kissing.  
  
  


The next morning, Castiel woke up, only to find Dean already awake and gazing at him. Castiel smiled and leaned in to kiss him. "Good morning," Castiel said. 

Dean made a face. "Good morning to you too but seriously, you need to brush your teeth, c’mon." 

Castiel begrudgingly got up, put on a robe, and took care of business in the bathroom before returning to Dean’s room, where Dean hadn’t moved at all. Castiel attempted to start getting dressed but Dean stopped him by hugging him from behind. 

Castiel covered Dean’s hands with his own. "Dean. I need to get dressed if we’re going to have breakfast." 

"Why don’t we just stay in bed?" Dean murmured, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s neck. 

"Because I’m hungry. We can go back to bed after we eat," Castiel insisted. 

Dean sighed. "Fine, but you might as well just keep the robe on. I have another one I can use." Dean stepped away to don the robe. 

When they left the room, Castiel reached for Dean’s hand, and Dean quickly held his, shooting Castiel a soft smile as he did so. They continued holding hands all the way to the kitchen. 

Sam and Eileen were already there, making some eggs, bacon and toast. Sam looked up when he heard their footsteps, and he snorted and tapped Eileen’s shoulder to get her attention. " _Finally_ ," he said teasingly, but with a genuine smile. 

When Eileen noticed them holding hands, she signed and said, "Congrats!" 

Castiel beamed and said "Thank you!" 

Dean nodded and said, "Thanks, guys." With that out of the way, Dean and Castiel joined them in making breakfast. 

Castiel thought that he was giving up his life forever when he went to the Empty to save Dean. He never could’ve imagined that one last sacrifice becoming the beginning of a whole new life with Dean. For as long as he could help it, he would never leave his side ever again. 

**Author's Note:**

> [1] I did some research on the meanings of herbs and flowers. [This book on Herbal Magic](https://www.amazon.com/Wicca-Herbal-Magic-Beginners-Practicing/dp/1519746806) says this about mugwort: "Burning mugwort during divination sessions can also enhance receptivity to the messages coming through". [This book on Victorian flower language](https://www.amazon.com/Victorian-Flower-Dictionary-Language-Companion/dp/0345532864) says this about irises: "The iris is the floral herald, the bearer of good tidings and warm wishes: ‘My compliments. I have a message for you.’"
> 
> [2] This Latin phrase roughly means "May I connect to you so we may speak, may you connect with me so we may speak". I translated it myself, not using Google Translate. Being a former linguistics major has its perks. But if you feel this was incorrect in some way, please let me know!
> 
> * * *
> 
> Thanks for reading! If you ever want to scream about Destiel with me, you can find me on tumblr as [alivorte](https://alivorte.tumblr.com/)!


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